By Sharon Nyree Williams
I don’t have any kids. I know people with kids. I know a lot of people with kids. Which technically makes me a friends/family with kid’s expert from the outside looking in. What makes me an expert is thousands maybe millions of clinical hours listening to friends/family with kid’s stories. Everything from proud moments such as first words, first steps, first day at school; to stories no parent would be proud of. The “they done lost their mind” stories: from throwing a fit in the middle of a store, their sexual escapades to fighting in school.
I love hearing the stories. For the good ones, sometimes make me feel like I should have a kid. No, it doesn’t ever go that far, but the “they done lost their minds” stories I use as my own personal birth control. These stories work better than any pill will ever work!
Before I go any further let me first say I totally respect parents and applaud them for all they do. In my many years of clinical practice of listening to friends/family with kid’s stories I have to say, much respect and love to all of you.
On the flip side, I’ve unfortunately heard the stories about the dead beat dad. The story about the dad who doesn’t make time to come and see his kids, who never keeps his promises and our favorite, the dad who never pays child support. This dad who is married to someone else and is taking care of their wife’s kids but fail to connect with their own.
I’ve heard from various women, old, young, Black, White, east coast, west coast, around the globe. I’ve heard, how the dad of their child is a no good _______________!
But what about the fathers, the real men, that have been there from day one. He may not have a lot of money but is always there; he’s there when his girl is out at the club. He’s there to pick up the kid from school; he’s at all of the doctor’s appointments. He’s at the birthday parties and holiday gatherings and he’s especially there when the kids have “done lost their mind”. But he’s not there for the mother anymore. The relationship went south for whatever reason, and he’s made it perfectly clear that he will always be there for his child.
For some reason the commitment that this father has shown all of a sudden doesn’t mean anything. The woman’s number one goal becomes to make the man’s life miserable and she knows the way to do it is to put up roadblocks from him being in his child’s life. Every time he comes to pick up the child there’s a fight. Not telling the father about the doctor’s appointment. Asking for more money…more money… more money. I’m not saying the man is perfect, but he has been there and he has given everything he has to be in his child’s life but it still doesn’t seem to be enough.
In my clinical experience as a friends/family with kids “listening expert”, I just don’t understand. There are so many women who wish the father of their child were present at least one minute of the day. And here you are doing everything in your power to keep a man that wants to be present out of their child’s life.
As a formal child of parents who split right before I became a teenager, I can say I hate being the center of an argument. I hated the awkwardness of having parents that just couldn’t get along. I loved and still love that both parents were there for the first time I hit that half court shot, for the time I knew I made a mistake and they weren’t afraid to let me have it, for the time I shared stories I created to an audience…. I love that as a child my mother allowed my father to be there, and as an adult I have wonderful relationships with both of my parents.
Mother’s doesn’t your child deserve to have their father as a part of there lives?
Editor’s Note: The views expressed here are solely those of the author and do not in any way represent the views of the Central District Forum for Arts & Ideas.
