Finances FYI Presented by JPMorgan Chase

It’s a familiar scene — you’re at dinner with friends, and the check comes. Who pays? How do you split it? Or maybe you and your spouse disagree about a particularly expensive luxury purchase. What do you do? Answering these questions comes down to setting — and honoring —financial boundaries in your relationships.

Financial Boundaries for Relationship Success

What Are Boundaries?

Boundaries are the limits we set for ourselves in relation to many areas of life — physical, emotional, mental, spiritual, cultural, sexual, and time boundaries are all part of honoring our own comfort levels in various situations.

Financial Boundaries

Boundaries around your money and when you spend it are personal limits that can impact your relationship with yourself, others, and money in general. Some financial boundaries are about your own relationship with money, including how much you spend on needs versus wants and how closely you stick to a budget. Other aspects of financial boundaries affect your relationships with others.

The Importance of Boundaries in Relationships

Boundaries may seem like they place limits on relationships, but in reality, they allow individuals to feel safe and loved around others. Therapist Rachel Orleck, PsyD, shares that boundaries help define and structure our relationships, allowing us to be more fully ourselves. When we can show up authentically and not have to give more of ourselves than is comfortable, that means we’re able to trust in the safety and honesty of that relationship. Healthy boundaries are key for thriving in a balanced, mutually respectful relationship.

How to Establish Financial Boundaries

If you’ve noticed discomfort surrounding money in your own life, now is the time to set boundaries regarding your finances. The process takes time and consistency, but it’s worth it in the end.

Know Your Own Financial Goals

One of the most critical parts of setting financial boundaries is knowing your own financial situation and goals first. Otherwise, how will you know what you feel comfortable with? If you don’t have one already, make a budget and plan for upcoming needs and savings goals. Then you’ll have budgeted categories for things like dinners out, trips with friends, or emergency support.

Communication Is Key

It’s much easier to share your boundaries ahead of time during calm moments than to debate your financial situation in the middle of dinner. Communicate your boundaries with loved ones on your own terms by bringing up the conversation yourself. You can add context by talking about the work you’ve done to write a financial plan for achieving your goals if that helps soften the blow.

With a partner, set up a time to discuss a family budget and share your ideas for financial boundaries during the meeting. For friends and family, share your boundaries individually as the time feels appropriate.

Ideas for Friends and Family

Setting financial boundaries with friends and family can be difficult, especially if you’re seen as someone who always comes through with financial assistance or is willing to “take one for the team” to pay for needs. As you begin to set new boundaries, try these ideas.

• Always have cash to use for shared meals or visit places with counter service to avoid a combined check.
• Offer support other than financial during times of need; babysitting, transportation, or logistics can go a long way, and make it clear that you care.
• Pay directly for a purchase rather than giving cash to friends in need; this will limit the risk of a repeated request as the dollar amount continues to increase.
• Have alternatives ready for things you can’t afford; for example, a more budget-friendly hotel for the trip, a less expensive group gift, or a DIY birthday weekend.

Ideas for Partners

Financial boundaries with your partner may look different than with other friends and family, but they’re just as important. Remember you’re on the same team, and have financial discussions often to avoid surprises.

Keep separate bank accounts, perhaps sharing a joint account for agreed-upon purchases and bills.

Have each person communicate with their own extended family about financial boundaries rather than it becoming a shared conversation.

Set regular budget meetings to assess progress towards shared goals and make necessary adjustments.

Decide ahead of time on a dollar amount for purchases that require joint consent.

Get Comfortable Saying “No”

Even when you’ve set boundaries ahead of time, there will be people who try to push past your limits, especially if boundary-setting is new for you. During this process, you’ll need to get comfortable saying “no” to others and respecting their reactions. Your close friends, family, and partners might feel slighted or angry — that’s okay. Their emotional response is not yours to manage. With time, most of the people in your life will lovingly respect your boundaries. If someone does not, it may be a clue to reflect more on that relationship.

The people who love and care about you will see that healthy financial boundaries help you achieve your goals and be the best version of yourself possible.

Finances FYI is presented by JPMorgan Chase. JPMorgan Chase is making a $30 billion commitment over the next five years to address some of the largest drivers of the racial wealth divide.