Parenting Today
Almost every parent agrees on one thing: Toddlers can be very challenging. Typically defined as between 1 and 3 years old, toddlers are hitting crucial developmental milestones on a regular to constant basis, which is exciting — but also exhausting. They’re at an age where they start to feel things beyond just hunger and grumpiness about needing to be changed. They’re also not at a point where they know how to process those feelings well.
Plus, as any parent who has been anxiously waiting while their 3-year-old slowly attempts to put their shoes on over and over and over again can tell you, they’re constantly trying to assert their independence.
When those big emotions hit, or they can’t do the thing they desperately want to do on their own, or they don’t communicate their needs well? That’s when the dreaded tantrum hits.
Fortunately, we’re here to help. Here are a few useful tactics to help you weather the storm of your toddler’s latest meltdown — like, for example, when their lunch came on the green plate when they wanted the red one.
Walk Away
Is your toddler upset, you can’t figure out why, and there doesn’t seem to be an end to the tears? In certain situations, it’s okay to disengage for a minute and collect yourself. As long as they’re safe, and you can still hear and get to them if they need you, it’s okay to slip into the bathroom and close the door or step out onto the porch for a moment and take a breath.
Offer to Help
Solving a problem for a toddler is often a recipe for an even bigger meltdown, but there is a middle ground. Offering to help them with whatever they’re struggling with is a good way to let them keep their independence while also solving the problem that has prompted the meltdown. If they refuse, don’t press the issue; let them figure it out on their own, within reason.
Make Them Feel Heard
Making sure you take the time to listen is one of the most valuable things you can do to curb temper tantrums. The vast majority of toddler tantrums happen because they are struggling to communicate. Ask them why they’re upset, talk to them about it, and offer comfort. Let them know you’re listening, that you care about how they’re feeling, and that you want to understand why they’re struggling.
Even if you can’t solve the problem, listening to them and treating them like their feelings and opinions matter will go a long way in building trust over the long term.
Make sure they know it’s okay to have those big feelings and that you love them regardless.
Let Them Cry It Out
Toddlers often get upset and may even be unsure why they’re throwing a tantrum in the first place. Sometimes, you just have to let those feelings run their course.
When you’ve tried talking to them and solving the problem, but the tantrum continues, calmly tell them they’re safe and that you will talk to them when they are done screaming. Then, walk away and let them cry it out. This tactic shows them they aren’t going to get attention for bad behavior and may help the tantrum come to a quicker end.
Don’t Give In
Toddlers often throw tantrums when they don’t get their way. Giving in to them to stop the crying and screaming is counterproductive because it reinforces that you’ll give them what they want if they behave poorly.
At the end of the day, remember: The tantrum phase will pass. Focus on all those joyous moments in between, and you will get through it.
