In many Black churches, divorce remains one of the least publicly addressed transitions in congregational life—often discussed privately, but rarely acknowledged as a pastoral crisis requiring sustained care.
Yet for Dr. Derren Thompson, a pastor with more than two decades of ministry experience and a long-standing marriage ministry, the silence is not simply theological. To him, it is practical, relational, and deeply human.
Thompson is senior pastor of More Than Conquerors Worship Center in Maryland, and co-leader of the marriage ministry with his wife Chalon, his wife of 29 years. Together they’ve written “Redefined Love: Discovering Love’s True Essence.”
Derren Thompson describes a widening gap between how churches prepare couples for marriage and how they accompany them when marriages fracture. In his view, churches often respond with uncertainty rather than structure, leaving members to navigate divorce with minimal spiritual or emotional scaffolding.
“The church disappears and remains quiet,” he said, not as critique alone but as diagnosis.
Preparation is Key
At the center of his approach is a simple but intentional framework: information, inspiration, and impartation. Thompson argues that many churches emphasize faith doctrine and premarital counseling but fail to sustain engagement when marriages begin to unravel.
The minimal research available supports the fact that Black clergy generally require more extensive marriage preparation than white clergy, and spend more sessions on communication skills.
In Thompson’s ministry, he says, couples are engaged early—before crisis emerges—so that pastoral care is already in place when conflict arises. That continuity, he suggests, is what prevents congregational withdrawal when marriages break.
Still, Thompson is candid about the limitations pastors face.
Even in churches with strong marriage ministries, he says, divorce introduces layers of grief, displacement, and congregational disruption that are not always addressed in seminary training or pastoral formation. Members shift relationships, sometimes leave the church entirely, and often carry unresolved emotional loss that extends beyond the marriage itself.
‘Complicated Grief”
He also challenges the assumption that divorce is purely a legal or relational separation.
Instead, he frames it as “complicated grief”—a layered loss involving identity, stability, and spiritual belonging. In that sense, he argues, the church already possesses tools for accompaniment through grief; the challenge is applying them consistently to marital dissolution.
Nobody died, but something significant was lost—security, identity, trust. People lose dependence on someone they built their life around. That’s real grief, even if people don’t always name it that way.
DR. DERREN THOMPSON, SENIOR PASTOR, MORE THAN CONQUERORS WORSHIP CENTER
What emerges from Thompson’s pastoral practice is a model rooted in proximity, transparency, and communal care—one that refuses to treat divorce as departure from the life of the church, but instead as a moment requiring deeper pastoral presence.
Word in Black interviewed Thompson about his philosophy and methods. The interview has been edited for length and clarity.
Word in Black: Why do you think the church often goes silent when couples are moving toward divorce?
Derren Thompson: I think it’s because a lot of churches don’t know what to do. People see a couple in crisis, but they don’t have a framework for walking them through it. So instead of engaging, they step back. Sometimes they’re afraid of taking sides, so silence feels safer.
WIB: You’ve said churches should offer more than silence. What does that look like?
Thompson: We try to give three things—information, inspiration, and impartation.
Information is teaching and clarity. Inspiration is encouragement when things get hard. And impartation is walking with people in real time. You can’t just wait until everything breaks to show up.
WIB: You’ve emphasized relationship before crisis. Why is that so important?
Thompson: Because if you don’t know people before the trouble, you can’t help them well during it. In our ministry, we pastor couples, not just individuals. So when things get rocky, there’s already trust in place.
WIB: What happens when churches don’t have that relationship built?
Thompson: Then people show up in crisis, and nobody really knows them. That makes it harder to help. And sometimes couples come in already decided on divorce, and there’s no relational foundation to support them through anything else.
WIB: You’ve described divorce as a kind of grief. Can you explain that?
Thompson: Yes. It’s complicated grief. Nobody died, but something significant was lost—security, identity, trust. People lose dependence on someone they built their life around. That’s real grief, even if people don’t always name it that way.
WIB: What do churches often misunderstand about that grief?
Thompson: That grief isn’t only about death. We grieve loss in many forms—relationships, roles, even changes in our own lives. Divorce is one of those deep losses, and people often don’t realize how much support they need afterward.
WIB: What does a healthy pastoral response look like when a couple decides to separate?
Thompson: First, honesty. Then presence. We don’t shame people. We walk with them. Even if we wouldn’t make the same decision, we support them through the decision they’ve made. And we stay in relationship.
WIB: You’ve said some members leave after divorce. How do you handle that congregational impact?
Thompson: We treat it as grief for the whole church. We talk through it, pray through it, and help the small groups process it. We don’t try to hide it. People need space to understand what’s happening.
WIB: What do you wish more pastors understood about this work?
Thompson: That you can’t just “let it happen.” You have to engage it. Sometimes people don’t want help, but we still have to try. We can’t just stand back and say, “Let us know what you need.”
WIB: What role should the church play in preventing unnecessary divorce?
Thompson: Not control—but conversation. We should help people slow down, talk honestly, and sometimes redefine what they’re experiencing. Not every conflict has to end in divorce if people are willing to work through it differently.
